Thursday, October 30, 2008

An 'Orrible Week

Well, I originally started this blog post a week ago and called it 'An 'Orrible Day.' I think you can guess what happened. One day of extreme ugliness turned into another and before long I had a grimy and gruesome, carnivalesque collection of the little blighters. I can truthfully say that the highlight of it was the dog walk on Tuesday- yes, I remember it with clarity.

I was taking it slowly, admiring the fetching Autumn coats the trees were wearing, and generally minding my own very non-muddy, clean and dry business. I don't quite remember the moment of certainty creeping up on me but, alas that moment came with great squelching gusto; A moment when the error of my previous actions was henceforth undeniable... The world slowed down.... I gulped loudly... and then I descended gracefully, arse first, into the world's biggest boggle (part bog/part puddle). Yes, Siree. I went down and I darned nearly went under.

It was one of those full body slides that you play back again and again in your mind's eye. It started as a child on a waterslide and finished as an obese hippo squelching sedately into a waterhole and got funnier with each play back. The whole epic journey from forth-standing, world watcher to buttock-sloshing, mud be-decked, sky-gazer gurgled about inside me. The comedy of the matter burbled around my navel, grew in force about my oesophargus and then, when I could no longer take it, spewed forth from my mouth in giant hysterical hiccups. Of course, being a lone female in the middle of a field, in the middle of the mother of all boggles, I tried to stifle my increased mania, stuffing a fist in my mouth to staunch the flow... as if the fact that I was laughing to myself was the embarrassing factor in this picture. I had leaves in my hair, for the love of Pantene!

The dog looked at me in a disgusted, 'You're only s'posed to blow the bl**dy doors off!' manner.

When I'd finished wallowing (literally), I flapped my way home... looking much like I'd scuba-dived in a sewer and interspersing my 'serious' face with great guttural guffaws which generally escaped me when the nearest person was in spitting distance.

Since then;

  • I broke my computer
  • Lost an afternoon's work (non-related to first computer incident- as far as I know- but does back up my feeling that computer 1 and computer 2 are in cahoots and may be plotting to assassinate, or at least mildly inconvenience me...)
  • Re-did the work, only to find it was the one bit that Hodder didn't like...
  • I lost my house keys in the very same boggle-ridden park. This time uniquely increasing my misery by donning complete 'jogging gear' in order to do so. I was locked out of the house for no fewer than 3 and a half hours... and as every one knows, the very best items of clothing to go jogging in... are one's pj's. I'm not sure my dog will ever respect me again.
  • Dog got runs and left chocolate puddles all over living room floor... Quite possibly a protest?

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